i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
