i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
