im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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