Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
