Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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