its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
