the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
