i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
