were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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