Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
