just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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