Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
