umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
