Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
