I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
