I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
