is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
