i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
