I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
