bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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