the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
