yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We named our party play list daddy issues
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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