My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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