Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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