I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
