i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
