she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
