For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.