she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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