So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
