Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY