eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is my gift to your gina
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm like, not good at living.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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