FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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