Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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