My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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