my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
