I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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