I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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