Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you never un-have a 4some
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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