Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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