doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
