he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
