But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
