It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
