i would punch a child for taco bell
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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