I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
