The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
