dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
