i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
