Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
