I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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