Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
