I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
