Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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