I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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