There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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