All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
