4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drunk is not a location!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
