it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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