SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Who did Billy Mays play for?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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