I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
