I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
