sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
