i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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