So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Let's paint friendship bongs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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