I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You are a genius and a whore.
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