Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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