They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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