I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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