if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
