True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
