thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
