You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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