I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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