Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
