it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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