giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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