Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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