I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
