How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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