i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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