Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
