Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
