Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
